This is an actually email I received from an individual headed off to business school in the Fall. I wound up hiring him as an intern for the summer. Prior to this email, I had never met or corresponded with him. It is the most effective email introduction I have ever received. Study it and mimic it!
I work for a startup team at Microsoft (check out surface.com) and am starting my full-time MBA this fall at Darden. As a recent job seeker, I see how Gotta Mentor's platform provides innovative ways to help with career development. This summer, before I start my MBA, I am interested in exploring marketing / business development opportunities at your firm.
Over the past four years, I have taken on R&D management and biz dev roles within Microsoft. In particular, I analyzed revenue opportunities in over 20 commercial verticals and performed competitive research to help launch one of Microsoft's newest consumer devices - we turned Surface from a research idea to a $XX million business. As a former tutor and part-time producer of educational content for Surface, I've seen first-hand the challenges in making online mentoring viable. For the summer, I want to apply my expertise in conducting competitive research, vetting potential partners, or in content development to help drive GottaMentor forward.
Please let me know if you need my resume. I am actually in NYC this Thursday and Friday and would love to meet in person to discuss my interest further. I look forward to hearing from you.
Why this Works:
- He immediately grabs my attention by highlighting his pedigree: Microsoft & Darden. Microsoft is a first-class company and Darden is a top 10 business school (refer to the 7 Elements of a Good Story article for more on "Pedigree").
- He throws in a "small" degree of flattery by calling my company "innovative" - don't overdo this but people like to feel good about themselves. In addition, he uses a term that we would use to define ourselves. If he referred to us as "a dominant market player", I would have questioned his sincerity and research.
- He tied an opportunity to work at our firm to his own personal goals: "This summer, before I start my MBA, I am interested in exploring marketing / business development opportunities at your firm."
- He presents his background in way that persuades me that if I were to hire him, he could be a value added team member. His project management experience / success with Microsoft and his exposure to mentoring are directly correlated to our business. This also very subtly informs me that he has spent a reasonable amount of time understanding our business and goals.
- He makes a "reasonable ask" (see article on How to Make the Right & Reasonable Ask for Help). He asks me if I have time on TWO different days. He asks if I would like to see his resume.
Also check out this article: